PETS...

About the only thing on a farm that has an easy time is the dog.

All intelligent species own cats.

Any member introducing a dog into the Society's premises shall be liable to a fine of one pound. Any animal leading a blind person shall be deemed to be a cat.
-- Rule 46, Oxford Union Society, London

Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat.

"Anything else you wish to draw to my attention, Mr. Holmes?"
"The curious incident of the stable dog in the nighttime."
"But the dog did nothing in the nighttime."
"That was the curious incident."
-- A. Conan Doyle, "Silver Blaze"

Auribus teneo lupum.
[I hold a wolf by the ears.]
[Boy, it *sounds* good. But what does it *mean*?]

Breeding rabbits is a hare raising experience.
Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't make eight cats pull a sled through the snow.

Cats, no less liquid than their shadows, offer no angles to the wind.

Chihuahuas drive me crazy. I can't stand anything that shivers when it's warm.

"Contrary to popular belief, penguins are not the salvation of modern technology. Neither do they throw parties for the urban proletariat."

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Dogs just don't seem to be able to tell the difference between important people and the rest of us.

Everyone *knows* cats are on a higher level of existence. These silly humans are just to big-headed to admit their inferiority.
Just think what a nicer world this would be if it were controlled by cats.
You wouldn't see cats having waste disposal problems.
They're neat.
They don't have sexual hangups. A cat gets horny and it does something about it.
They keep reasonable hours. You *never* see a cat up before noon.
They know how to relax. Ever heard of a cat with an ulcer?
What are the chances of a cat starting a nuclear war? Pretty neglible.
It's not that they can't, they just know that there are much better things to do with ones time. Like lie in the sun and sleep. Or go exploring the world.

For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a cat.

Hi! You have reached 555-0129. None of us are here to answer the phone and the cat doesn't have opposing thumbs, so his messages are illegible. Please leave your name and message after the beep...

I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.

I love dogs, but I hate Chihuahuas. A Chihuahua isn't a dog. It's a rat with a thyroid problem.

If anyone has seen my dog, please contact me at x2883 as soon as possible. We're offering a substantial reward. He's a sable collie, with three legs, blind in his left eye, is missing part of his right ear and the tip of his tail. He's been recently fixed. Answers to "Lucky".

If you are a police dog, where's your badge?
-- Question James Thurber used to drive his German Shepherd
crazy.

If you have received a letter inviting you to speak at the dedication of a new cat hospital, and you hate cats, your reply, declining the invitation, does not necessarily have to cover the full range of your emotions. You must make it clear that you will not attend, but you do not have to let fly at cats. The writer of the letter asked a civil question; attack cats, then, only if you can do so with good humor, good taste, and in such a way that your answer will be courteous as well as responsive. Since you are out of sympathy with cats, you may quite properly give this as a reason for not appearing at the dedication ceremonies of a cat hospital. But bear in mind that your opinion of cats was not sought, only your services as a speaker. Try to keep things straight.
-- Strunk and White, "The Elements of Style"

In the eyes of my dog, I'm a man.

It is not a good omen when goldfish commit suicide.

It was Penguin lust... at its ugliest.

It's no use crying over spilt milk -- it only makes it salty for the cat.

Lost: gray and white female cat. Answers to electric can opener.

Never try to outstubborn a cat.

No animal should ever jump on the dining room furniture unless absolutely certain he can hold his own in conversation.

No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.

PENGUINICITY!!

Raising pet electric eels is gaining a lot of current popularity.

"Shelter," what a nice name for for a place where you polish your cat.

Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be chewed and digested.
[As anyone who has ever owned a puppy already knows. Ed.]

Sometimes when I get up in the morning, I feel very peculiar. I feel like I've just got to bite a cat! I feel like if I don't bite a cat before sundown, I'll go crazy! But then I just take a deep breath and forget about it. That's what is known as real maturity.

Speaking of purchasing a dog, never buy a watchdog that's on sale. After all, everyone knows a bargain dog never bites!

The difference between dogs and cats is that dogs come when they're called. Cats take a message and get back to you.

The main problem I have with cats is, they're not dogs.

The only time a dog gets complimented is when he doesn't do anything.

There are many intelligent species in the universe, and they all own cats.

There's no use in having a dog and doing your own barking.

To err is human,
To purr feline.

When man calls an animal "vicious", he usually means that it will attempt to defend itself when he tries to kill it.

When the fog came in on little cat feet last night, it left these little muddy paw prints on the hood of my car.

Who loves me will also love my dog.

With a rubber duck, one's never alone.
-- "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"