These rules will help you when you go for a drink in a British pub.

2. This player or "opener" will remain "in the chair" while other friends or colleagues come through the door to join the group or "round". He will remain in this benefactory role until either his glass sinks to beneath the halfway mark or another drinker finds himself bereft of his original refreshment and volunteers to "start a new round".

3. In the absence of new arrivals, any player other than the opener may, at any time, enquire whether it is "the same again?". On receiving his instructions he will then order and pay for the "second round". (N.B. The second round is the last round to be specifically numbered. Nobody wants to be reminded of how many they have had and anyway nobody should be counting so thereafter "the next round" should be used.)

4. The round acknowledges no descrimination. All players, regardless of sex, age or social status are expected to "stand there corner". Corner here refers only to "round" which also contains a "corner".

5. Any new entrant who joins the session after its inception, is not expected to "buy himself in" but should be invited to join the round by whoever is in the chair (see rule 2). If however he is greeted with a silence he may either (a) buy a drink for himself or (b) attempt to buy a round for all who are present. If (a) or, worse still, (b) applies then the new entrant is advised to seek out more appreciative company. There is one important exception .....

6. For reasons of haste or poverty, a new arrival may insist on buying his own with the words "Thanks, but I'm only popping in for one". If he is then seen to buy more than three drinks he is deemed to be a skinflint, neither broke nor in a hurry to get home and will be penalised for his duplicity by being ordered to buy the next round.

7. Although everyone in the group is normally required to buy at least one round before leaving, the advent of drunkenness or closing time sometimes renders this ideal unattainable. In such circumstances, any non paying participant will (a) have "got away with it" and (b) appoint himself as "opener" at the next forgathering. However any player who has noticed on arrival that the round has "got out of hand" and that there is no chance of it reaching his turn before "last bell", may start a "breakaway round" by buying drinks for himself and all subsequent arrivals. This stratagem breaks the round into two and keeps the cost to managable proportions and is the only acceptable variant to rule 5.

8. When a pressing appointment elsewhere precludes further involvment, it is wholly unacceptable for any player who has no been in the chair to buy a round in which he cannot himself be included. In such cases rule 7 (a) or (b) applies. Note that non buying participants who regularly "invent" such appointments risk disqualification from future proceedings.

9. In the event of any one glass becoming empty, a new round must be called immediately. This should not necessarily be called by the owner of the empty glass, however, because this would place the slow drinker at an unfair fund-saving disadvantage. (N.B. It is permissable for any member of the round to decrease the capacity of his individual order - "just a half for me please" - however the opposite does not hold good. A "Large Gin and Tonic", for example, may be offered by the chair but never demanded of it.)